Barely Living
by Obsidian Buterfly
Summary: There was a simple card attached on it that read Happy birthday Sakura. It had been their birthday that day. First of April. It seemed as if, fate had played a very cruel joke on them. It just wasn’t fair. Warning: Character death. AU. And that's about it


_**A/N**_: **_Wow. I sure come up with weird titles don't I? Lolz. Anyhow, hope you guys find this enjoyable._**

She walked through the streets with a grace and elegance that befitted her. Hood pulled over her bowed head; she made her way up to a small house almost near the edges of town. A cold wind picked up, making an involuntary shiver to travel up her spine. She looked at the dark brown wooden door before her.

She had stood here, in this exact same spot, just mere hours ago. Like she had been, every single day for the past month. But up until now, she had not been able to bring herself to enter. To open that door and walk inside.

She wouldn't be knocking since there was no one to answer the door. Not anymore. She would not beam or cry his name happily since he would not be there to catch her before she would leap inside. She knew she would never see him again.

Ever.

But just because she knew that, did not mean that she was willing to accept it. Willing to accept that he would no longer smile at her, no longer hold her hand, no longer…

No longer there…

Her ears perked up at the small scraping sound she heard close by. It sounded an awful lot like him, when he would get back from one of his journeys and unpack his travel gear. Hope shone in her eyes, making them sparkle ever so slightly. But then the sound was gone, leaving behind nothing but silence.

Just like him.

The sparkle left her eyes, leaving behind two dull, lifeless orbs.

She stifled a sigh, raising her hand slowly, freezing up half-way through her action of opening the door. Did she want to go in there? Did she really? Could she face what would greet her inside?

Just like every other time, she dropped her hand, deciding to leave.

She couldn't do this.

Not with _him_ no longer there.

But just when she was about to leave, she felt something. A strange urge to just enter. to forget her worries and just go inside. Before she knew what she was doing, her hand had grabbed hold of the door handle, twisting the knob and pushing against it. With a low creaking sound, the door opened.

She stepped over the threshold and walked inside. A feeling of emptiness grew with each step she took. She walked up to the small wooden study desk he had in one corner of his room. Everything was still just the way he had left it that day.

Four books stacked in a pile in one corner of the wooden furniture while three others, lay open on the same object. Three photo frames also rested on top of it, though the pictures inside were rendered invisible thanks to the layer of dust covering them. It had settled on everything. The sole testament of the fact that no one lived in here.

Tears threatened to well up in her eyes as her gaze fell on the object resting on top of one of the open books…

A pair of goggles.

Her thin delicate fingers, brushed the object lightly, her heart clenching up on contact.

She reached out and picked up one of the frames. Brushing the dust off with her free hand, she looked at the photograph.

It showed a lovely young couple. A brown haired man and woman. They were both smiling.

His parents.

With a small sniffle she set it back down, picking up the one next to it. Repeating her actions, she cleaned the dust from its glass, looking at the image of four people and a white bejeweled rabbit.

A dark skinned, red-eyed man was smirking next to a laughing, blue-eyed man who was patting on the top of a rather flustered looking brown haired girl, holding the white rabbit in her arms. And there, right next to her stood…

The brown haired boy. A tentative smile set upon his features as he watched the girl with adoring eyes.

Unable to look at _that_ smile anymore she set the frame back in its place, reaching out for the last picture.

A terrible feeling settled in her gut on this one. No matter what she did, she was unable to bring herself to clean the dust off of that one. She knew what the picture showed. The same brown haired boy and the same green eyed girl, both looking shyly in the direction of the camera, with small timid smiles and pink tinted cheeks.

But just as she was unable to look at it, she was also unable to let go of it. Holding it in her hands, she walked over to the wooden rack where he used to keep all his books. Many of them were rare manuscripts that he had managed to collect on during his travels.

Dust coated their surface just like everything else in the room. Closing her eyes, tilting her head back ever so slightly, she ran her fingers along the spines of all the thick volumes that were placed there, imaging his fingers brushing along the very same covers.

She could almost hear his excited voice as he would share his latest discoveries with her, in this very room, in this very spot. Getting up from the floor to retrieve a book… Opening it eagerly to show her something that would support his point…

She could almost see his sparkling amber eyes as he would look at her while explaining something new. Snapping open her eyes and shaking her head to rid her mind of those painful images, she walked over to the bed and plopped down near its edge.

This was exactly where she would always sit when she came over.

A small droplet of salt water, traced a wet line along her right cheek as she closed her eyes and fell back on _his _bed.

Memories of a time long gone flashed back to her, the moment she did that.

_The raven haired girl with laughing lavender eyes held up the camera to their faces._

"_Well I most definitely need a picture of you two. You look so adorable in that dress, Sakura!"_

"_And that tuxedo! It looks great on you Syaoran!"_

"_Oh come now, Syaoran-kun, just hold Sakura-chan's hand for this one."_

"_Hold her hand. Hold her hand."_

The memory left just as quickly as it had come. A new one taking its place.

"_Well, I thought that since Syaoran came back to Clow after such a long time, maybe we could go to that tower after dinner."_

"_What about Fay-san and Kurogane-san?"_

"_Well, Touya-nee san wanted to spar with Kurogane-san and Yukito-san wanted to discuss somethings with Fay-san."_

"_Oh. Alright."_

Fighting back her tears, she clutched the photo frame to her heart as she was assaulted with much more recent memories.

"_This place still just as peaceful."_

"_Yeah… I come here every night."_

"_You do? Why?"_

"_Because this is where I came with you."_

_A small blush had appeared on his cheeks then, mirroring her own._

"_I missed you."_

"_Me too."_

Remembering his soft smile that used to light up his eyes, she finally broke down. Tears streamed down her face freely as she remembered the last smile he had given her. Her grip tightened on the frame as the face grew clearer. That sweet, sweet smile. Those loving, tender brown eyes.

It had not been mere minutes later that _they_ had appeared. Surrounding them and the tower in a sea of black and red as far as the eye could see. They had been trapped. With no way out. But he had immediately summoned his sword. Moving into a defensive position in front of her.

"_Syaoran!"_

"_Stay where you are, Sakura!"_

"_Watch out!" she had cried as _they_ had lashed out, thirsty for blood._

_But she needn't have worried because he had skillfully deflected and countered each and every single attack that had come their way._

_And then…_

_There had been one attack he had not been able to deflect in time._

_The poison tipped claws had slashed across his chest, ripping his shirt, cutting in deep enough to have scraped his ribs. Blood had instantly begun pouring out. _

_With a shocked looked on his face, he had stumbled backwards._

_But there had been another clawed hand waiting for him. This time digging deep into his side. Ignoring the metal still in his side, he had swung around, bringing his sword with him, slicing his opponent in half, who vanished in black smokey wisps, just like his other partners._

_He had kept on fighting. Slashing here and there, each and every single one of his attacks, finding their home in their attackers._

_Not much later, help had arrived in the form of Kurogane, Fay, Touya and Yukito, as well as the royal guards. They had cut their way through their opponents at an amazing rate and soon, there was no one else except for the six of them._

As this scene replayed in her head, so many emotions surfaced within her. Confusion, guilt, anger, sadness…

She had seen him fall to the ground, his sword clattering uselessly by his side. She remembered herself crying out his name.

"_Syaoran!" she had remembered herself cry out._

_She had only been able to watch with wide fearful eyes as his breathing had slowed and blood had trickled out the side of his mouth. How he had apologized for not being able to protect her. How he had smiled adoringly at her. How his eyes had sparkled brighter than the stars in the sky but then slowly dimmed to…_

"Syaoran!" she bolted up in the bed, her knuckles whitening as she tightened her grip on the object. So painful.

It was just too much for her. with an enraged cry, she threw the frame against the wall opposite to her, the glass shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces when it collided with the wall, raining down to the floor in a shower of white crystalline shards.

Why had she even come here, when all it did was remind her of how he was never going to be there again? How he would never give her that tender look or how he would never smile his soft smile or how he would never tell her about his travels and new discoveries.

She had known about this all, hadn't she? With bloodshot eyes, she cast a look around her. Everything was still the same. Her gaze rested on a small neatly wrapped box that was lying on the top shelf of the bookrack. How had it escaped her notice before?

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she got to her feet, walking over she hesitantly reached out for it. It was small and neatly fir in the palm of her hand, the wrapping paper was of a creamy purple color mixed with baby pink and gold patterns. There was a simple card attached on it that read _Happy birthday Sakura._

She stared at his tiny yet neat scrawl, feeling her heart clench.

It had been their birthday that day.

First of April.

It seemed as if, fate had played a very cruel joke on her.

Her free hand curled up into a fist in anger.

It wasn't fair.

He'd given up so much for her sake. So then, why did he have to be the one die? He didn't deserve this… He deserved to live.

_He should be here._ A voice snarled in her head. _He should still be alive… He shouldn't be dead!_

She lowered her head, only to see the broken photo frame lying at her feet. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she picked it up once again. The world around her blurred, clearing only when she blinked. Warm trails of salt water wet her cheeks. She pulled it to her chest, stumbling on unsteady feet till her side collided with the same wall she had shattered the frame on.

She slid down to the floor, her frail body heaving with sobs.

Syaoran was dead…

She had no idea of how long she just sat there; staring into space while clutching the photograph like her life depended on it.

Early next morning, the servants at Clow castle were frantically searching for the missing princess who had not turned up the previous night. It wasn't till noon next morning that Fai had the sense to suggest checking Syaoran's house where they found the jade-eyed girl curled up in a ball on the floor.

The magician and the ninja had observed the sleeping girl with sad eyes as she lay on the ground, tears streaming down her face even as she slept, clutching to a photo frame like her life depended on it.

Kurogane looked around the small house only to find that nothing else had been moved from its place save the three frames that had held a place of honor on a certain amber-eyed boy's desktop.

"S-Syaoran." The princess whimpered as she shifted slightly. Seeing the previously energetic and cheerful princess in this state broke the hearts of all those who saw her, dear ones and strangers alike.

"She's burning up." Fai exclaimed as he picked her in his arms, bridal style, taking great care not to wake her up. Not that he needed to worry about that seeing as even after sleeping for almost twelve hours in her bed, once they had returned her to the castle, her jade-eyes did not open.

Three more days passed but the princess kept on sleeping, she would whimper occasionally, sometimes she would scream, then there were times when she would not move at all, her breathing rate dropping to almost zero while at some instances she would pant and gasp, struggling to force air into her lungs, but during all those times, only one word ever escaped her lips.

"Syaoran…"

Touya remained by her side, during all this time, holding her hand, speaking to her softly, gently, lovingly like only an older brother could. The High Priest checked up on her every half an hour, administering healing magic on her as soon as he would regain enough energy. Mokona snuggled up to the sick girl, crying and whimpering softly, pleading for the girl to get better but if nothing ever happened. If anything, her condition steadily worsened.

"You should rest for a while Touya-san," Fai advised the young ruler of the country in a gentle voice as he entered the princess's room, his gaze falling on the zombie-like elder brother who merely sat on a chair next to her bed, watching her with tired, glazed over eyes, his head would occasionally droop but he quickly straighten up again, watching her intently as though, he could make her be okay just by staring at her.

"No, I'm not leaving her side." He stubbornly refused him just like he had every other time with Yukito and his advisors and friends.

"I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be like this." Fai coaxed him gently as he stared at the thin, ghostly pale girl who appeared as though she would disappear any second.

"I don't care," he answered, not once letting his gaze wander from the waif-like figure of his younger sister, who was currently drawing in ragged breaths.

"Sakura-chan…" the magician whispered her name sadly before turning around to leave the grieving brother with his sick sibling.

"Her fever is not letting up, no matter what I do," Yukito declared later that night as he clutched on to his staff for support since he appeared as though he would fall any minute. The priest's grey eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep and had dark black circles underneath them, a clear indication of how he had refused to rest for even a second since the young princess and his apprentice had fallen ill.

"She's withering away, right before our eyes." Kurogane spoke softly as Fai joined him on top of the tower that night.

"Her heart is broken." The magician answered quietly, his blue eyed gaze travelling to the spot where his friend and Kurogane's apprentice had breathed his last.

"She's not going to pull through, is she." It was more of a statement than a question so Fai chose not answer to his red-eyed friend.

"It's times like these when I hate not being able to perform healing magic." The blue-eyed magician admitted after what felt like ages, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It's not your fault."

"Knowing that doesn't make me feel any better."

They remained there for the rest of the night, gazing out into nothingness as the dark, starry sky was replaced by the early morning sun.

It was the next day that Yukito collapsed during a healing session due to exhaustion, Touya however managed to not succumb to sleep for another six hours.

It was during that time that a strange calming aura overtook the atmosphere; the princess's breathing evening out as tears leaked anew from her eyes.

"S-yao-ran…" she croaked weakly, her weak fingers clenching subconsciously onto the single frame that she had held close to her heart throughout her sickness.

A warmth filled the room, as her tears dried off of their own accord. A small contented sigh escaped her lips as a weak smile upturned her lips.

-0-

A lone figure made its way across the city of Clow as the early morning sun shone brightly on the desert world. Their destination, the Clow Graveyard. Numerous, earthen mounds marked the final resting places of all those who had passed away.

The dry earth cracked under the person's shoes as they walked down the path, stopping next to one of the newer graves there. The cloaked figure stepped forward, bending down to place a bouquet of fresh roses next to the grave marker before moving back.

There was a solemn air about the person but it was not one of despair. Three quiet figures observed this one from a distance, two standing next to each other while the third was a several paces to their right but they did not move any closer. After all, this person deserved some time alone after all that they had been through.

The grave marker was a gold hilted sword, with three short sentences engraved into its silver blade. The person standing next to the grave read those over and over again.

_Li Syaoran. A noble warrior. A loving friend._

A small desert wind picked up, throwing the hood off the person's head to reveal caramel colored hair and jade-eyes that shone with tears as the girl as she kept her gaze fixed on those three lines.

"Syaoran…" she spoke softly, "It was you, wasn't it?" She swallowed loudly. "You were there. I-I could feel you." a single trail of salt water travelled down her right cheek. "The one who stopped me from dying… It was you… Why?"

The wind blew lightly around her small, shaking frame.

"Why?" she repeated as her voice cracked. "Why? Why did you do it?"

The breeze played with her caramel colored hair, making her silky locks flutter gently. "I-I miss you, so much." she whispered.

That familiar warmth filled her heart once more, soothing the ache that Syaoran's death had caused. She unknowingly took in a deep breath, letting her pain ebb away as the wind kept whirling around her in gentle circles.

"I keep seeing it you know," she admitted after a while as sadness was sucked out of her yet she clung to a small part of it. "You, dying in my arms… Y-your eyes… your… smile… The one I knew was just for me… When I went to your house, seeing it empty like that… I guess that was what really broke me."

"Throughout the week," she continued quietly, not moving her eyes from the sword, "when I was sick, so many times… I came close to dying… so many times. B-but each time… someone was there… someone who pushed me back… someone who wouldn't let me leave… I knew it was you, you know." Her lips formed a small pout like they normally did whenever she was angry with the amber-eyed boy.

"Then, two days ago… I felt like I would finally be able to break through that forcing me back, binding me to this life… but then you came…" a sigh escaped her lips, transforming the pout to a small smile. "It was then that I realized something… The memories of our times together… No matter how painful, I'll always have them…"

"I just… I just regret one thing…" she mumbled, rubbing her arm as she lowered her head. "I-I never got to tell you… a-about… how much… I loved you... How much I still love you… I wish I could have worked up the courage to tell you sooner." Fresh tears wet her cheeks as the wind slowed to almost a standstill.

But then it picked up once again, playing with her hair, drying her tears, warming her heart and taking away as her pain, removing the sadness from her being, even the smallest parts that she was clinging on to.

She took in a deep breath as a feeling of calmness settled around her, making her smile for the first time in ages as she looked up to gaze at the sun. The wind kept blowing, seeming to touch her very soul as it whispered in her ear.

_I love you too Sakura._

_**A/N: Wow, so I finally finished this one-shot that had been lying around in my laptop for ages.**_

_**Whew! I couldn't really decide on an ending for this which is why it took so long to finish. But I'm happy with this product. At one point I considered letting Sakura die as well but then I thought that that has been done a couple of times since I've read some fics that follow that line. This is my attempt of making it a bit different. Not really sure whether I managed to succeed or not but you'll let me know, right?**_

_**Please leave a review and help my plot bunnies take over the world. You'll get free ice-cream. And cookies. ;)**_

_**-Nims.**_


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